An exercise in alternative sermonizing

Every now and again, we're asked to write a sermon on a text that we're researching for a final paper.  This was the case with Psalms.  And the video below is the resulting Slam.
But first, read the Psalm that inspired the sermon:

Psalm 77
To the leader: according to Jeduthun. Of Asaph. A Psalm.
¹ I cry aloud to God,
   aloud to God, that he may hear me.
² In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
   in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
   my soul refuses to be comforted.
³ I think of God, and I moan;
   I meditate, and my spirit faints.
          Selah

⁴ You keep my eyelids from closing;
   I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
⁵ I consider the days of old,
   and remember the years of long ago.
⁶ I commune^* with my heart in the night;
   I meditate and search my spirit:^*
7 ‘Will the Lord spurn for ever,
   and never again be favourable?
⁸ Has his steadfast love ceased for ever?
   Are his promises at an end for all time?
⁹ Has God forgotten to be gracious?
   Has he in anger shut up his compassion?’
          Selah
¹⁰ And I say, ‘It is my grief
   that the right hand of the Most High has changed.’

¹¹ I will call to mind the deeds of the Lord;
   I will remember your wonders of old.
¹² I will meditate on all your work,
   and muse on your mighty deeds.
¹³ Your way, O God, is holy.
   What god is so great as our God?
¹⁴ You are the God who works wonders;
   you have displayed your might among the peoples.
¹⁵ With your strong arm you redeemed your people,
   the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
          Selah

¹⁶ When the waters saw you, O God,
   when the waters saw you, they were afraid;
   the very deep trembled.
¹⁷ The clouds poured out water;
   the skies thundered;
   your arrows flashed on every side.
¹⁸ The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind;
   your lightnings lit up the world;
   the earth trembled and shook.
¹⁹ Your way was through the sea,
   your path, through the mighty waters;
   yet your footprints were unseen.
²⁰ You led your people like a flock
   by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

A Psalm of Lament

I'm taking a new 3-week course at the Seminar.  I just finished my first one last week...That was Biblical Theology.  This is Psalms.

It is truly fascinating.  I love the psalms.  My favourite right now is 24. (go ahead and read it; I'll wait).  I like the first two verses especially.  So validating, so all-encompassing.  Suffice it to say, I am very much enjoying my Psalms class. (ask me about translation another time....)

We've two assignments this week that I think I would like to share with you.  The first is due tomorrow.  It's our very own psalm.  We were to write a Psalm of Thanksgiving or a Psalm of Lament. (Believe it or not, there are some very complex forms and rules to Psalm-writing)  I wrote a Psalm of Lament.

Tomorrow night, a Psalm-drawing assignment.  I will share that too.  But first, my Psalm:

Psalm 180

A song of Lament.

¹ I stand to praise you in the sanctuary,

surrounded by a community of baptized worshippers;

            And the words and song come out hollow and empty.

² I sit in my car, hands tightly gripping the steering wheel,

music and praise plays on my radio;

And words of prayer escape silently from my face to pool on my lap,

³ The pain chokes me;

            A viscous slime that makes it hard to breathe.              Life.

⁴ I come closer and closer to endless Chaos;

            Despair overwhelms me,

⁵ I long to find solace in your Light;

            To be as a small, hurt child soothed in the lap of a loving parent.

⁶ But Darkness is my only comfort;

            A blanket on a rainy day giving small consolation.

⁷ It’s said bad stuff just is;

            Shit happens.

⁸ God gives you nothing you can’t handle;

            What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

⁹ Is there nothing that you can’t do?

            Why haven’t you spared me this pain?

¹⁰ Is there nowhere that I can escape?

            Why do I feel hidden from you?

¹¹ Did Christ die that you might know humanity’s suffering?

            Why would you allow any human to suffer at all?

¹² Yet my deepest desire is to turn my face to you;

            To see you turning to face me.

¹³ It is in singing that I feel your loving embrace;

            In singing the bonds of Pain are shattered.

¹⁴ How can Darkness survive so much Joy?

¹⁵ Open my ears that I would hear your Wisdom;

Open my eyes that I would see the reason for hurt;

¹⁶ Open my throat that I would sing true praise;

Open my heart that I would know the promise of life.

¹⁷ And I will stand to praise you in the sanctuary,

leading the community of faithful fellowship;

            And the words and song will be Love and Validation.

Peace to you all.

More Coffee Needed.

It's the night before classes start, and it's pretty quiet here.  I can hear the hum of the furnace... I turned it on a couple of days ago.  That's crazy talk from the likes of me, but I don't want my new roommate to freeze to death in her new space.

Despite all the usual feelings of inadequacy and anxiety about the new year, I am fairly excited to see what the year will bring.  I have managed to unpack myself in record time, and saved a few boxes for when I need something, completely unrelated to the sheer quantity of homework I will undoubtedly have to get through, to do.

For those of you that don't know, there have been a few changes to the ol' curriculum and schedule at ye olde Sem.  This year brings a new treat (read: unbelievably massive stress for yours truly)... 3-week intensive courses.

As per history, this year I have a large load.  5 courses in the Fall, one in January, and 3 in the Winter.  They are as follows:

Fall

1. Biblical Theology (Sept.10-28)
2. Psalms (Oct.1-19)
3. Pastoral Integration (Oct.29-Nov.16)
4. St. Augustine (whole semester)
5. Foundations Youth Ministry (whole semester)

January

1.  A one-week intensive in some upper level History, currently dubbed "Mystery History" by the senior class

Winter

1. Romans (Jan.28-Feb.15)
2. Pastoral Care: Marriage and Family (Mar.18-Apr.5)
3. Worship, Mission, & Evangelism (Apr.8-26)

And if you can follow that, you're a better person than I.  Save for the big chuck o' time mid-Feb to mid-March, I aim to be freaking out and super busy.  It'll be an experience.  And hopefully one you can all follow along with.

Indulás! (Here we go!)

Evaluative Reporting

In one month's time, I will be back at school.

In three week's time, I will be a senior.

In two week's time, I will be leaving my Internship.

In one week's time, I will be at Hyperlink 2012 with some of the youth from Grace.

Right now, I'm feeling all those feelings that come with transition and displacement: anxiety, nausea, worry, excitement, more worry...  I am a bundle of crazy/scary emotion - so much so, that I think I may actually be vibrating.  I've cut down on the amount of coffee I'm drinking because it only makes the symptoms worse.

I loathe moving.

And here we go, yet again.

I thought it would be nice to share some of my learnings about Internship.  Here is an excerpt from my Report:

The most important lesson I have learned is to trust in God; trust myself; trust that I have been taught well, that I have the knowledge within me; and trust that I have the abilities to help me find the resources I need if I don’t know something.  This has made me a more relaxed person on internship.

I have learned that clear, honest, and open communication can go a long way to stem the tide of differing expectations any one congregation member may have of what it is that you are “supposed to be doing.”

I have learned that people who care deeply and invest themselves in the church will always find a way to do more than what is asked of them.  This can be both a positive and a negative thing.

I have learned that everyone wants their pastor to know them personally, by name.  They want someone who will smile and greet them warmly.  They all want to be known and loved and accepted as they are.  It is an incredible gift to be privy to people’s lives like that.

I have learned that some people really do believe that “Pastor knows best” and that it’s very important to know “what would Pastor want/think/feel/do...”  There are also people who rely on the Pastor to be the “fix-it-all” person – even in a congregation that is so well lay-led!

I have learned that the people who you go to seminary with become life-long colleagues, cheerleaders, commiserators, and reliable comedians.  I have learned that synodical and national gatherings are opportunities to reconnect and share joy with one another.

I have learned that even when you think you’ve managed to get it right, there will always be at least one person who didn’t get it at all, thinks that you blew it, or has all sorts of “helpful” advice for the next time.

Lastly, I have learned that how you present and carry yourself goes a long way to making a difficult situation easier.  Respect and trust are earned, and this office deserves my best effort to earn them.

Thanks to all who've made this a wonderful experience.

Onward and upward: Senior year.

75% is a strange place to be.

I'm approaching the 8-month mark on Internship, and it's prompted a little reflection.

First: Time is a crazy whirling thing that gets faster and faster the older you get.  I have been wondering what time feels like for someone who is over 70.  What will it be like when I am 70 or 80?

Second:  This is the first time in 15 years where I don't feel locked into a "semester" mindset.  This is interesting because I normally push myself hard for 13 weeks, and crash for 2, recover in 1, and restart the cycle.  On Internship I have had to learn a new pattern, and I have been surprisingly healthy for most of it.  It makes me wonder if that will make my final year more difficult.

Third:  Soon, I will have to be distancing myself from the congregation I am serving, the staff I am working with, and the people I have come to call 'friend'.  I am not looking forward to that, but I recognize that it is a necessary learning for someone who wishes to be clergy.  *I would add that although many of the pastors I know have long-term calls, it is a commonly held belief that most pastors move every 3-5 years.  A conversation about this with my Lay Committee led to a couple of insights: It is a belief of some that I will continue to be a transient person FOREVER -- that God will move me around every couple of years pursuing one mission/vision or another -- because this is the way my gifts work (also because this possibility is my greatest fear).  But it is not something that I want to worry about until the time is right.

Fourth:  If I have come this far, is it safe to say that because I feel comfort and strength in this area of work - I am called to rostered ministry somewhere in the world?  Can I say that Internship was successful in affirming my call, or do I have to wait until the official end place?

Fifth: I can't change the essential things that make me who I am.  Nor, should I want to.  The ability to identify 'faults' does not always necessitate changing those things.  Being able to identify them enables me to work with them, to see when certain behaviours are appropriate, and to temper my attitudes in the midst of conversations, confrontation, and support.

All in all, it's been a good Fall and Winter.  Spring is well in hand, and I am hopeful for the Summer.  There are a number of difficult situations on the horizon to deal with.  For the first time in my life - they don't prompt excessive amounts of worry or panic, rather I feel well-supported to take them on, one at a time, and there is a sense of calm that surrounds me.  I feel ready to keep moving forward.

The next 25% should prove to be just as interesting.

Lenten Thoughts

I have a friend who told me that she was taking up failure for a Lenten discipline this year because it's very liberating.

I wish I had thought of that.

I had a conversation with some people at Grace about the practice of taking on a Lenten discipline. I find that many people treat it like a New Year's Resolution. They decide to give something up like coffee, smoking, chocolate, drinking or eating to excess; or they decide that they ought to do something more like exercise regularly, read a particular book, or develop a particular good habit. I think that these are all worthy causes, but I struggle with the point of a Lenten discipline and the intention or reasons for a person to take one on.

Lenten practices and time frames have existed for a long time. Initially, catechumens (converts to Christianity) would fast the 40 hours that Jesus was believed to be in the tomb in preparation for their entrance to the church. This was then extended to 6 days before Easter to symbolize the 6 weeks of training for the new initiates. It was at the council of Nicea (325 CE)that the 40 days of Lent were officially established. With later edicts by the Roman Church, everyone was encouraged to fast the 40 days of Lent in solidarity with the catechumens - and for their own spiritual renewal.

Fasting takes many forms. The most historical that I could find was to refrain festivities and from food: all animal products, eating only one meal a day. There are many different permutations of fasting: One meal a day; One large meal a day, with two smaller meals (where the sum of these meals cannot be greater than the large meal); No meat products, but allowances for dairy and eggs; Vegetarian or Vegan diets only; Abstinence from meat and poultry on specific days; etc. In almost all cases, children are exempt from fasting (under 18) and abstinence (under 14).

The purpose of Lent, however, is one of preparation and spiritual "newness". We are to be vessels, open to God's love and mercy, open to being known and loved by a God who never stops loving. We frequently use a segment of scripture to capture this, Joel 2:12-13: "Yet even now, says the Lord, return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; rend your hearts and not your clothing. Return to the Lord, your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and relents from punishing."

Tradition shows that the original Lenten practice was to prepare the believer—through prayer, penance, repentance, alms giving, and self-denial. Coupled with this was the desire to learn and know about Christ and the church.

The Protestant churches have seen a growing interest in Lenten disciplines over the ages, although some more interested than others. Many give up something they consider to be a vice, and others take on a new charitable action. And we arrive back at my initial struggle. Is it enough to give up something? Is it enough to take on more? For me, the answer is 'no' - because the intention of the practice is the important thing. It is a time of preparation and spiritual renewal. It all goes back to Joel: the outward action must be coupled with the 'rending' of a heart. It is the realization that God knows that I am a sinner and loves me entirely despite all my vices and bad habits, or lack of good habits. God knows me to the smallest cell in my body and loves me as I am. Do I truly believe that? And do I trust that God forgives me? Do I understand that Christ journeyed to the cross to show how amazing this love really is?

So, embrace failure. It is who we all are. And believe that God knows and loves us. Failure and all.

I hope it's liberating.

Sermon: December 11, 2011

Readings: Isaiah 61: 1-4, 8-11 / 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-24 / John 1: 6-8,19-28

Oh that you would tear open the heavens and come down! Oh that you would make yourself known to us, so that we could see you and hear you. But in those days, after that suffering, the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light, and the stars will be falling from heaven, and the powers in the heavens will be shaken.

I have a fear that I am going to become the apocalyptic preacher. There is a part of me that is confused by and with the texts this last month. I don’t remember sitting in pews hearing these readings! What is going on?

These readings, however, put me in mind of a short story. I thought I had distinct memories of climbing into my mother’s lap when I was sad, confused, a little hurt, or just down and out. They are fleeting things, those memories, and I don’t know how true they are, but the feeling that my Mum gives in those moments has stuck with me. She’s the only one who knows how to rub my back in just the right way. The weight of her hand on the small of my back is sheer joy, stillness, and comfort. As an adult I still like to rest my head on her shoulder from behind her – because I’m now taller than her – and she is still that source of great comfort to me. I do have a particular clear memory of how much her comfort means to me: University was a tough time for me. I moved away from family and friends and attempted to start up an adult life away from everything I knew. It was lonely and hard. I can remember calling Mum, in tears and very upset because I was tired and didn’t want to do it anymore. I told her that I wanted to be that little 5-year old again, so I could crawl into her lap and have her make it all better. To be comforted. There was an incredible desire for her to swoop in and make everything fall into place.

Life gets hard, and some may say that it gets harder as you get older. The reality of coming into our own is not all that great. There is so much uncertainty. I think the wise of the world know that true wisdom comes when you stop trying to maintain control over all that uncertainty. There is an allure to control, to knowing and mastering the future. We want to know what our lives will be and exactly what we need to do in order to be happy, rich, influential, and powerful. All of those things. We extend this to our faith lives as well. We want to know exactly how God will come again into the world. What is it that we need to do exactly to be good, faithful, forgiven, justified. Why can’t God just come down here and clean it all up? We want that “mighty God” again.

This is the thing about the theme of waiting in Advent: When we wait for the coming of God, we acknowledge that there is a palpable lack of a presence. We see a lack of God in the chaos and confusion around us. We feel that absence, and it is easy to feel thus abandoned. Where is God in the midst of all of the war and fighting, hatred, selfishness, injustice, and all of that? Where is God when the innocent are dying for a cause they know nothing about? When the world feels overwhelmed and heavy by all of the negativity, it looks to God for comfort and healing. The world seeks to find a God who seems so tangibly absent. As a humanity that seeks to place control within a seemingly chaotic situation, we aim to place God’s decisive action in such a way that we can point at a place or person, and say: There. There is God. We go so far as to set God’s decisive action neatly into a manger scene and try to make it nice. Almost like neatly wrapping it up with a pretty glittery bow. One you can hand over to the world’s weary, and say: Here. Here is God. Christ coming into the midst of humanity, however, is that Mighty God that we are looking for. It is an incredibly awesome thing. Christ became human, so that we would find light in the midst of all the world’s darkness.

How do we expect God to be? Where is God going to show up now and in the future? Perhaps Advent is about being aware of the places where we are convinced we’ve got God and questioning if that’s entirely true. Christ cautions us: Stay awake. Don’t get lulled into false expressions of God or of the future, because we might get caught up in preparing for the wrong event, or anticipating something that is unrealistic and incapable of happening.

The day I called my Mum was an especially low one for me. I was struggling with low grades, few friends, and little income. I was feeling an increasing pressure to perform and excel. My mother imparted great wisdom to me that day. She very calmly asked me what it was exactly that I wanted from her. What did I expect her to be? The truth of my desire was that I could never be a little girl anymore. I could never crawl into her lap again without crushing her entirely. And she couldn’t take over and make everything perfect. But she was very proud of a daughter who left everything she knew and was comfortable with to become an adult, to learn new things, see new options, and try something frightening. She told me that even though the days I was longing for were good and truly gone, she was still there, with me, going through everything that I was going through as only a mother could, and I could rely on that for encouragement and comfort. I really wasn’t alone, and she became a light of Christ in the midst of my pain.

Light is a very important thing in the Markan text. There is an interesting theme to it. Mark may be the briefest gospel text on Christ’s life and teaching, but the structure to what is there gives us insight into a deep and meaningful theology that the writer was trying to impart. Today’s Gospel reading comes from a three part section once Jesus and the disciples have made it to Jerusalem. This section is about Christ changing the perspective of the church being Jerusalem into a perspective that looks to Christ as the centre of the church. Everything that Jesus has spoken about that everyone has taken to mean a NEW Jerusalem is redirected at himself. It makes the destruction of Jerusalem seem more real, more destructive, and full of more meaning when it is turned toward a man.

My favourite text about the human character of Christ is about Jesus cursing the fig tree outside of Jerusalem. It happens right before he tosses the market at the Temple. That curse withers that poor little tree as an example of God’s power. And in today’s gospel text Jesus turns it around. That little fig tree will become tender again – there will be signs of Christ’s return, and no one will know the exact time and date, but we can have faith that no matter how negative the world gets, Heaven and earth will not pass away. Christ’s words are there to light the way.

This theme delves deeper still. Mark’s gospel text is set up like a full day with a twist. It is the day of Christ’s death and resurrection. There is evening, midnight, the cock crow, and dawn. It is not just the crucifixion and passion tale that has this theme. All of Christ’s life is this theme over and over. And to Mark, the coming of Christ is going to look a lot like it did before. We can take strength and courage from this. We are not really alone...God is still all around us. This Advent: Stand in the presence of God. The one who came and will come again. Wait for the Lord, be strong, take heart.